Subject: IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT PLEASE READ! Appropriate use of temporal physics lab equipment by Carolin Jansen

Concerning all postgraduate students with access to the Einstein-Rosen laboratory: 

Food and beverages are not allowed ANYWHERE in the restricted areas to avoid damage to the time dilation field and to keep objects (e.g., mugs, sandwiches) from getting lost in the space-time continuum.

Refrain from creating time loops for personal use like gaining additional time to finish a midterm paper. (Just stop procrastinating, Gerrit.) NOT A VERY RESPONSIBLE USE OF UNIVERSITY RESOURCES, EVERYONE!! 

P.S.: If someone should locate a “World’s Best Temporal Physicist” mug somewhere in the Mesozoic Era, please bring it back with you. It’s my favorite. 

Carolin Jansen is a writer of short fiction, poetry, and overly ambitious to-do lists. She lives in Germany, where she works as a doctor. Her flash fiction has appeared in Fireside Magazine. She can be found on Twitter as @_cjansen.

Subscribe to Martian Magazine to support us! Subscription includes four quarterly digital issues PLUS the year-end anthology for only $8!